


The Truth About Me (& The Truth About You)

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Death Note, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, M/M, Sometimes OOC, alternate universe where everything is FINE dont fucking worry about it, death note fanfiction in 2020 baby, just imagine if both of them acted way more like real human people, no beta reader we die like men, oh my god they were roomates, sometimes its on accident sometimes on purpose, thats for you to find out, the actual grammar is way better than my shitty tags dont worry, title is from a lemon demon song fuck w me, unintentionally turning into a character study
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:15:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25229710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “What I mean is.” L yawns. “You need to do what you want to in the moment sometimes. Don't think about what’ll be best, and think more about what’ll make you happy. You’ll be able to find yourself that way.”“You’re making this seem simpler than it is.”“YOU’RE making this harder than it has to be."
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 4am, have fun

Light Yagami had done a lot of self realization. Light Yagami had shattered a glass on the kitchen floor, and had proceeded to slump into a chair and cry. Light Yagami’s roommate has come home from the library. 

“HEY, DON'T COME IN HERE YET.” He called, voice shaky. his roommate tended to walk around the house barefoot and well. There was glass all over the floor.

“LIGHT, ARE YOU CRYING?” L yelled back at him. Light was not a crier. He didn’t do that. He can understand the concern. “IS EVERYTHING OK? WHY CANT I COME IN?” 

“BROKEN GLASS. ON THE FLOOR.” He didn’t break it out of anger or anything. He had been in a bad mood that day, and st seemed like one thing after the other. He was in the middle of making tea when the cup slipped off the counter, and shattered on the floor. That was his breaking point. He’s been having an identity crisis since then.

“I'M GONNA GET THE BROOM, OK?” His voice grew faint as he, presumably, to get the broom. L doesn’t clean shit, that’s how Light knows he’s worried. 

“So uh. What the fuck is going on, if you don’t mind me asking?” The glass clinked against the tiles as L swept them into a little pile.

“You don’t have to worry about it, I’m having a bad day.” He lied, fruitlessly. While Light IS one of the only people who can slip a lie by L, (a psychology major,) he doesn’t typically do that unless he has to. 

“I’ve lived with you for over a year, and you’ve only cried once that I’ve known about. Not telling me seems pointless, since I’ll figure it out either way.” 

“You’re right.” Light sniffs. “Give me a minute to calm down. Thank you for cleaning, by the way.”

“No problem.” L wanders into the living room and Light is alone. No matter how obnoxious L can be at times, (most of the time,) he’s glad they’re roommates. He’s one of the only real friends Light has ever had.   
After taking a moment to compose himself, he finds himself in the living room with L. “I ordered you pizza,so you know.” 

“Thank you.” 

“So.” L looked up at him from his been bag chair. It was a gift from light, because he wouldn’t stop sitting on the floor, and it was weirding him out.

“So.” Light sat on the couch, like a normal person. “So my forensic science professor gave me this paper and like, it was easy, but it made me think? Do I want to do this?” L hummed in acknowledgment. “This has always been my dream but I’m. Not enjoying it at all.”

“Was it YOUR dream?” L chimed in. Vague questions. Always vague questions with him.

“What are you implying?” 

“Tell me what you think I’m implying.” He smiles only slightly, cracking his knuckles. Light had figured out what most of his hand movements and such meant. He was still working on that one.

“You’re saying that someone imposed that goal on me and I went along with it, am I correct?”

“Somewhat.” He mused. “I think that you chose what you thought would please people, and convinced yourself it’s what you wanted.”

“See, yeah. You’re right.” He’s usually right. Light would never admit it, though. “That’s part of the issue. I’ve always done everything to please adults and like. I’m an adult now. And I feel like I barely know myself.”

“Yeah, that sucks.” Very helpful, L. “Do you want my advice? Or do you want to vent?”

“Give me your thoughts.”

“I feel like you need to act impulsively. Do what you want to do. I know it sounds like bullshit, but that’s what you need.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is.” L yawns. “You need to do what you want to in the moment sometimes. Don't think about what’ll be best, and think more about what’ll make you happy. You’ll be able to find yourself that way.”

“You’re making this seem simpler than it is.” 

“YOU’RE making this harder than it has to be.” Touché. “What do you want to do right now?” 

“I don’t know!” Light throws his hands into the air. At the same time, the doorbell rings. 

“Well, good for you, I guess, because foods here.” L gets up, stretching. “Think on it, though.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everybody needs some 2 in the morning mexican food sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christ sorry if youre reading this on a computer my formatting is hot garbage

“I’ve made my first impulsive decision and I need your help.” Light talks through his roommates bedroom door. 

“It’s 2 in the morning, what could you possibly need my help for?” 

“Take me to Taco Bell, it’s important! Don’t you want to support me on my journey of self discovery?”

“Drive yourself, I’m busy.” He could confirm that L was not busy. 

“My contacts expired. If I drive I would probably hit a tree and die.” 

“Wear your glasses then, asshole.” He can hear L getting out of bed through the door. He has won. 

“I don’t like wearing them, dipshit.” He smiles as L opens the door. 

“Well let’s go, then.” He gives up fighting back very quickly.

“You’re the best roommate ever.” Light nudges his shoulder. “In the world.”

“Yeah yeah, I get it.” L tries to sound mad, but Light can hear the smile in his voice. “You’re paying, though.” Bastard. 

“You know.” L sets down his now empty package of cinnamon twists. “I’m gonna miss stuff like this when I graduate.” Summer break was coming up, and that meant half a year left before he moved off to wherever and left Light all alone.

Lights heart sinks a bit. He was also gonna miss it. He was gonna miss L. There were things he wouldn’t miss, of course. Like his fucking attitude. Regardless, he would miss the friendship they had grown to share. He would miss whatever weird brand of companionship they had. But he would survive. He’d have a shitty apartment and live alone. 

“Me too.” 

“But at least we have now, right?” L play-punched him in the shoulder, realizing that he shouldn’t have mentioned that. L sometimes didn’t realize which things made Light upset and which things didn’t. He didn’t blame him, Light wasn’t exactly easy to read. Not to mention he did better than anybody else could manage to do, so he appreciates him anyway. 

“This isn’t how we get home.” Light rests his head on the window. “Are you finally going to kill me and stuff my body in a storage locker? Has this all been a trick?”

“You know me too well. I've been waiting for this moment all along.” L laughs. “Just kidding. Felt like going to the park. Acting on impulses and all that.”

“Cool.” They sat in silence for another few minutes. The speaker played faint static from some radio station they couldn’t reach. It was a comfortable silence. That was the basis of their friendship, really. Comfortable silence.

“We have arrived at our destination.” L takes the keys out of the ignition. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been here.”

“Yeah, what’s the story on that? I know you didn’t live around here as a kid or anything.”

“I just like it, I’m not sure.” He made a beeline for swing set, and Light followed. “Used to come here a lot more before we were friends. It’s my lonely place.”

“Not so lonely anymore, huh?” Light hummed, sitting on the swing beside him. He feels slightly honored to be invited to a personal place like this. “Why here?”

“Dunno, something about parks at nighttime. It’s like the quiet of the nighttime mixed with the energetic nature of a park. At least that’s what I like to think. In truth I have no idea.” L’s swing squeaked as he spoke.

“Thank you.” Light drug his shoes across the wood-chips. “For showing me this place. And for helping me through everything. And,” he looked up at the moon. Waning crescent. “For being my friend.”

“Not exactly a thing either of us can be thanked for, it’s just what ended up happening.” They both kept swinging. “I’m glad it happened, though.”

“Me too.” He looked over at L. He looked calm. To some people he might always look calm, but Light knows better than that.

“I wanna stay in touch, you know.”

“So do I.”

“You aren’t exactly the kind of person I want to forget about, Light.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying to decide if i want this to be slowburn or not... let me know your thoughts


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of sibling bonding time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based off of my friendship with my brother (who i watched death note with) but is way less chaotic and weirdly passive aggressive and more wholesome and like,, normal

“LIGHT!” Sayu threw her arms around her much taller brother, and Light hugged her back. 

“Sayu! Good to see you, birthday girl!” He laughed, slipping his jacket on. Her birthday was a week ago, but Sayu has requested a ‘special brother birthday day,’ and who was Light to tell her no? He missed her a lot after leaving for college, after all. “L! I’M LEAVING WITH MY SISTER, I’LL SEE YOU TONIGHT!”

“L? That’s a weird name.” She giggled. “Is he your roommate you always talk about?” 

“I do not always talk about him.” He huffs. I mean, when you live with someone it’s hard not to have them on your mind a lot, right?

“More than you usually talk about people, which is not at all.” She jingles her car keys as she walks, what Light is sure is a conscious decision. She’d gotten a car for her birthday, brand new, some little peppy car. Light couldn’t name the brand or model to save his life, but it was mint green, and Sayu loved it to bits. 

“Oh, shut it. Where are we going for our special outing, Miss? Dealers choice.”

“Ice cream and a walk through the park.” She shuts the door behind her and buckled her seatbelt. “The one with the azaleas by the path.” 

Sayu talked about what colleges she wanted to go to, the girl she liked, all sorts of things. Light had always admired her honesty, how she would go on and on about whatever was on her mind. Light wondered how she did it. Still being so bubbly and happy, despite being overshadowed by him in almost every way. Not in the ways that mattered, but in the ways that mattered in a social way. Sayu was happy being herself. Light envies it. When he was younger, he hated her for it. Light THRIVED from attention. He would do things he didn’t care about to hear some adult go on about what a ‘talented young man’ he is. To get another shiny, flimsy compliment to put on a shelf. It was a stand in for something more he needed, he figured out that much, but he couldn’t figure out what it is, so he left it alone.

He sometimes wonders how Sayu never hated him. Always the one people talked about, fawned over. She liked having her friends, her real friends, and her hobbies, that she actually enjoyed. He guesses that was the difference between them. She didn’t have to lie. She was happy with being happy. 

He cared about Sayu a lot. He tried to take the blame for things she messed up on at any opportunity. He would hate to see that light in her eyes fade. He wants her to have what he couldn’t have.

“What’s with the extra milkshake? Finally deciding to be less boring with your choice of ice cream? Vanilla boy?” Sayu certainly means for ‘vanilla boy’ to sound more like an insult instead of some weird nickname.

“I’ll keep my boring ice cream, thank you very much.” He had ordered his ‘boring’ ice cream, along with sayu’s peanut butter. (Light thought he hadn’t seen her eat the same flavor of ice cream twice in her life.) And Ls usual order: chocolate chip cookie dough milkshake, extra whipped cream. “I’m bringing it home for my roommate.”

“You really care about him, don’t you?” Sayu’s voice went softer as she spoke. 

“Why are you so hung up on that, anyway?” Light asked, avoiding the question. It was more of a statement than a question in the first place.

“You never do ANYTHING nice for ANYONE besides me and mom! Besides like, the weird polite stuff people always expect you to do. And you talk about him all the time when you visit home. It’s weird seeing you so... I don’t even know the word for it, it weirds me out!” She says through a mouthful of ice cream. 

“I don’t know the word for it either.” He laughs. “I guess it’s because he’s like family to me, like you guys.” He lies. L doesn’t feel like family, he feels like a completely different thing. Like he exists on a different plane of reality. They aren’t in the same playing field, not because either is better, but because he and L are playing a different game. 

“Ow, brain freeze!” Sayu squeals, interrupting his thoughts. Light gladly stops thinking about it.

“You need to stop eating so fast! You always either get a brain freeze or burn your mouth.”

“You’re just mad that I have a simple zest for life and you don’t.” She sticks her tongue out at him.

“You’re just mad you have a brain freeze.” He playfully flicks her nose.

“Sorry it’s a little melty.” Light sets the milkshake down, deliberately stirring L, who was asleep on the counter.

“Oh! Shit.” L rubbed his eyes, smiling sleepily and taking the cup in both handed “Thank you. I needed the sugar.” 

“Of course.” Light turned away, ignoring how strange he felt when he saw Ls smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope i did my girl justice I care about her,, also i wrote this all in like 10 minutes at 4 in the morning last night and I just revised it holy shit it was messy


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light goes to therapy. Needless to say, he does not fucking like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok when i wrote this last night i was fucking in LOVE with this chapter, not so much right now but i still think i did good in some parts

What would it take, to look at a perfect person, and say to him: “You need therapy.”? The answer is simply realizing that there is no perfect person. 

Some may see perfect, charismatic and intelligent. L sees all the same things, but behind the curtains he sees scared, fragile and insecure. 

And so, no. No one had ever told Light he “needed therapy,” but no one had ever thought about the fact that he needed anything. He was so capable, on the surface. L knew better, and he knew that no one was really capable. Especially not Light Yagami, and especially not right now.

Light was a little bit fucked up about the prospect of therapy. But he thought: fuck it, why not, and he went. And he told the truth, and he hated it.

He didn’t hate telling the truth, he didn’t mind that by itself. But he hated telling the truth to a STRANGER. Looking into a strangers eyes, and still being Light Yagami, but not being perfect. Not being exactly what's expected of him. It felt like every insecurity he confessed burned his lips like a cigarette. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. But he did agree it was necessary.

Because Light is a logical person. He was logical to the point where he could almost outsmart his own anxieties. He could make everything but the churn of his stomach go away. 

And so even so, he persisted. 

“Tell me about your support system.” Dr Chanley asked him. She had insisted he called her Lillian, but he didn’t do that, and she didn’t say anything about it again. 

And so he did. He told her about everyone, and what they were like. His father cared, but didn’t know exactly how to do it. His mother cared, but cared MORE about grades. Misa cared, but he knows that she never really got over them when they broke up. Sayu cared, but she didn’t understand. L cared. L cared, and he understood. Even if he doesn’t know exactly what to say all the time. 

And so the woman asked about each person. About his dads busy work schedule, and about his breakup. And then she asked about L.

“So he’s your roommate, and I’m assuming you would also consider him your friend?”

“Ah, I don’t know if I’d say that. I feel like it’s more than that. It’s different.” He didn’t like admitting it. He didn’t like admitting that he didn’t have a label for it. Light finds comfort in labels. He likes having neat shelves in his mind, like a library. All his feelings and thoughts, all labeled and put into alphabetical order. L was just this one book that he didn’t know quite where to put, and it made him much more angry than it would a normal person.

“Could you elaborate?”

“Honestly ma’am, I don’t know if I could if I wanted to.” He admits. “I hate not having the words for it, but I’m afraid that for now that’s all I can tell you.” 

“May I make a suggestion, Light?” 

“I don’t see why not.” 

“From what I’ve gathered, you haven’t had proper romantic feelings for anyone, am I correct?” His stomach drops.

“You are correct.” He says, unfaltering.

“Could it be that you have romantic feelings for him?” A thousand moments play in his head at once. An earthquake, and his nearly perfect mental library tumbles. Shelves upon shelves knocked to the ground, pages upon pages torn and crumpled.

In his mind, Light is scrambling to stand, to grab onto something, to find the answer. In his seat, he sits, legs crossed, smile unwavering, and he lies.

“I’ve considered that. It couldn’t be, no.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope yall like how i have no idea how plot works at all, this fact will not change


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light goes through a bit of classic denial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i havent updated! got writers block

The drive back from the therapists office was infuriating. The silence gave him too much room to think, and when he switched on the radio the first thing he heard was a love song. He put on a podcast, but he couldn’t focus on it at all. 

He was in a rush to get home, every red light making him more anxious. As soon as he got home he sat in the parking lot for a long time, scared to actually go in. He didn’t wanna have to look L in the eyes after all that. He wouldn't tell him how great therapy went (it didn’t,) but he sure as hell wasn’t about to admit the source of his distress.  
Once Light finally got the courage to return back to his own fucking home, the air got heavier the closer he got. He was embarrassed that anyone would think he had feelings for L.   
Not that he wasn’t attractive and smart and great to be around, but. You know. 

It sucks to go to your best friend like, 'hey, I had a professional analyze my brain, they think I’m in love with you, crazy right? Anyway let’s continue life like normal!'

“So, how did it go?” L emerged from his room and stood in the doorway. 

“Fine.” Light grits his teeth. “You know how I am about opening up to people.”

“Oh I sure do.” L snorts. “I’m glad you’re doing this, even though you didn’t want to. I want you to be happy.”

“Thanks. I’m going to take a bath.”

“Ok, don’t drown.” L warns him that every time. Normally it's endearing. Right now its annoying.

“No promises.” Light shuts the bathroom door and bangs the back of his head against it. Why did everything in his life have to be so difficult?

Light ran through his routine mechanically. Baths and showers happened to be one of Lights favorite things. His whole life had been one thing after another, school, cram school, studying, going to sleep. Free time was an illusion. Yet, it’s nice to have somewhere where you don’t have to think much. 

One of the curses of wanting to know it all is how hard it is to avoid your own internal bullshit. Granted, it took Light a long time to realize things about himself, but once he did, they burned at his mind. Another puzzle to figure out.

He pulled the drain plug. His life as of late, seemed to be an endless loop of almost feeling better and then not feeling better at all. 

The words the woman said to him shouldn’t have fucked his emotional state over white as much as they did. He was working on his mental health, he was even thinking about changing his major, and yet here he was. In some ways, back to square one, even.

“So I’ve noticed you’re feeling pissy today.” L greeted him the moment he walked out the bathroom door. 

“Let me get to my room, please.” He says, feeling decidedly more pissy than before. 

“I’m not even standing in your way, actually, so I don’t get what that was about.” L said, indeed not even being close to stopping him from going anywhere. “I was just wondering if it was the kind of pissy where you still wanted to watch avatar with me tonight or not. And also why you’re being such an asshole, and if you’re ok.” 

“I don’t want to have this conversation while you’re halfway across the house and I’m half naked.” He heads to his room.

“I’ll take that as a no, then.”

“What do you want for dinner? Or are you going to keep avoiding me until you starve?” L calls through his bedroom door. 

He has been avoiding L, a lot in fact. He wasn’t mad at L at all, he just had a lot of pent up frustration that he was in turn taking out on L.   
That way L wouldn’t try and talk to him about his problems, and so he wouldn’t come to the same hypothesis the therapist had. If he hasn’t already. God, he hopes not.

“You pick. I’ll come out when it gets here.” Light very much doesn’t want to come out of his room, and didn’t really want to eat greasy fast food, either. He wasn’t about to skip dinner, though. Ever since Light first moved in, they always had dinner together. “Together” could be used more loosely in some situations, but it was a way to anchor both of their lives down a bit. It made everything feel like less of a jumbled mess. Skipping dinner would be like breaking a sacred pact, at this point. 

“I’ll get Wendy’s.” L announces. “See you then.”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this may be my worst chapter yet but im just proud of myself for getting it done, thanks for the support folks :)


End file.
